Living with diabetes
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Racking my Brain
I am still in the mess of researching, questioning, and thinking of a pump.
These past two weeks of crappy blood sugars keep proofing that a pump needs to be tried. No matter what I do on some of these days the sugars will not go down. It is annoying. It makes me moody.
This is not a decision one enter into lightly though.
I do have a friend that I email with questions since she is a pumper and has been for 12 years. It is much better to get her perspective than a pump educator's perspective.
I still have tons of info packets to go through about each pump.
These past two weeks of crappy blood sugars keep proofing that a pump needs to be tried. No matter what I do on some of these days the sugars will not go down. It is annoying. It makes me moody.
This is not a decision one enter into lightly though.
I do have a friend that I email with questions since she is a pumper and has been for 12 years. It is much better to get her perspective than a pump educator's perspective.
I still have tons of info packets to go through about each pump.
Labels: blood sugars, Insulin Pump, Insulin Pump Educator
Normal
I want to be normal again. This year, I think that is really all I want for Christmas.
I can take the diabetes. Its been part of my life for almost 20 years now. I'm getting to my wits end with my left hand and arm issues. I've bumped it against things once within the last two days. Each time has sent tears streaming down my face and me crumpled to the floor. In a nutshell, it is excruciating, and most of the time I bang it, cuss, clinch my right fist, grit my teeth, etc etc till the pain goes away. Words do an injustice at describing how this really feels.
Basically: I'm tired...tired of the pain, tired of needing/attempting to be strong, tired of doctors upon doctors telling me how "interesting", tired of doctors not knowing what to do and only throwing medications at me as "this is an idea"....................
I'm human. I only have so much strength and so much of a pain threshold. At my chagrin this threshold seems extremely high, but apparently, it has a limit. Obviously, I'm reaching that limit.
With this hand, I am in some kind of pain DAILY.
I am told I do not have Rhuemotiod Arthritis, but never told any other arthritis I may have, and it is evident I have some sort (rather from the surgery I had in 2002 or not) of arthritis. My middle finger will not straighten. It is pulled almost half way back. I use the humor card to say it isn't very hard for me to flip the bird with it since it is practically in that state all the time. The humor only works so much. It takes several seconds for me to pull a glove on this hand.
I find myself feeling like Pinocchio "I just want to be a real" girl. I want to be normal.
I envy Will Smith's character in iRobot with his robotic arm.
I. Just. Want. To. Feel. Normal. Again.
I can take the diabetes. Its been part of my life for almost 20 years now. I'm getting to my wits end with my left hand and arm issues. I've bumped it against things once within the last two days. Each time has sent tears streaming down my face and me crumpled to the floor. In a nutshell, it is excruciating, and most of the time I bang it, cuss, clinch my right fist, grit my teeth, etc etc till the pain goes away. Words do an injustice at describing how this really feels.
Basically: I'm tired...tired of the pain, tired of needing/attempting to be strong, tired of doctors upon doctors telling me how "interesting", tired of doctors not knowing what to do and only throwing medications at me as "this is an idea"....................
I'm human. I only have so much strength and so much of a pain threshold. At my chagrin this threshold seems extremely high, but apparently, it has a limit. Obviously, I'm reaching that limit.
With this hand, I am in some kind of pain DAILY.
I am told I do not have Rhuemotiod Arthritis, but never told any other arthritis I may have, and it is evident I have some sort (rather from the surgery I had in 2002 or not) of arthritis. My middle finger will not straighten. It is pulled almost half way back. I use the humor card to say it isn't very hard for me to flip the bird with it since it is practically in that state all the time. The humor only works so much. It takes several seconds for me to pull a glove on this hand.
I find myself feeling like Pinocchio "I just want to be a real" girl. I want to be normal.
I envy Will Smith's character in iRobot with his robotic arm.
I. Just. Want. To. Feel. Normal. Again.
Labels: Arthritis, Diabetes, iRobot, Pain, Pain Threshold, Pinocchio. Will Smith, Rhuematoid Arthritis, Stength, Surgery
